Things Girls Do That Guys Hate

A blog about the things girls do that guys hate.

Giving bad hugs.

Come on, now. This is being-a-girl-101. If you can’t give a good hug, and you’re a girl, you are simply failing, in one way or another. 

First off, let me state that you girls have a natural advantage when it comes to hugging.

  1. You have hips. You are ergonomically designed for arms to be around you. You are physically designed for men to want there arms around you.
  2. You have boobs. You are made with incredibly attractive impact cushioning. There’s a reason why girls tell fat guys they give better hugs. It’s because they do. It’s the closest they can get to having actual boobs. Also, its another reason why guys want their arms around you.
  3. You are typically shorter than us. Your arms will fit perfectly in the space below OUR arms. No tip-toes or hunching over required

This being said, you are without excuse. Your shitty hugs kind of suck. Yes. They do. Here are a few of the terrible hugs you give:

  • The “Side-Hug”: You know this one. We all do. It’s just plain awkward. The only, only, only time this is acceptable is if you are not greeting someone and not saying goodbye. You are pulling the ‘I-know-we’ve-been-hanging-out-but-I-want-you-to-know-I-think-you’re-cool’ thing. That is when it’s okay. Also, this should typically include walking next to the person you’re hugging. There is no reason for two people facing each other in a greeting to give someone a side-hug. It requires one, or both, of you to turn. That’s just plain unnecessary. 
  • The “Wet-Noodle”: This is just lazy. The perfect hug is not a vice-grip, but I’m pretty positive I speak for most guys when I say that we prefer a firm hug over one that feels uninspired. Here are some tips: Get pumped about your hug. You’re about to make someone’s day, and you can make a difference in their mood if your hug is right. If a guy’s feeling down on himself (which happens more than you may realize), a proper hug could send him soaring. A limp, unconvincing hug will only make someone feel unimportant, or at least cheated out of affection.
  • The “Sticky-Out-Butt-Hug”: Non-commital. But it looks dumb, and it feels dumb. If you’re trying to hug with the least amount of bodily contact possible, you shouldn’t be hugging. Really. It’s more of an insult than anything else. Kind of in the same vein as the wet noodle. It feels insincere. 

Moral of the story is, just do it right. There are no rules. Just don’t be lame. Hug for a decent amount of time. Not too short, where we’ll feel like you wanted to get out of it. Not too long, where we’ll worry you’re a stage-5 clinger. You can feel out what’s decent. Try the length of a deep inhale and exhale. Also, if you want to be an extra special hug, for someone you may actually like (fancy that), girls, try arms on top. I know, I know. Crazy hug positions. But let’s be honest. When the girls’ arms are on top, it feels more endearing. Guys like endearing. 

And I’m talking about when we feel like we’re dear to you. Not when you call us “pookie”.

Also, if you’re gonna get crazy, don’t be afraid to let your cheeks touch. It really has nothing to do with the sexual tension, or romantic aspect. The thing about a hug is, you feel valued when someone’s willing to be close to you. Some of the best huggers I know make me feel valued. Even though I may not even know them well. It’s because I don’t feel like I’m repulsive around them. Think about it. You say a lot about how you feel about someone by the way you hug them. 

Communication is key. 

Love, Seiji.

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